What are you struggling with the most right now?

Student

Dementiadaughter It's incredibly tough to witness the decline of a loved one, especially when it's your parents. Seeing your mom worsen with dementia must be incredibly heartbreaking and overwhelming. It's okay to feel a range of emotions during this time - sadness, frustration, even anger. It is natural to experience these feelings as you navigate such a challenging situation.

Student

stargazerdo It sounds so challenging to deal with this, especially when it feels like you're carrying the weight of it all. It's completely understandable that this constant negativity and talk of dying would take a toll on your energy and well-being. We are definitely impacted a lot by the energy of those around us! I hope you know you're doing your best to support your wife and it's okay to feel overwhelmed by this situation. Try your best to prioritize your own emotional health as well. Consider seeking support for yourself, whether through therapy, support groups, or talking to trusted friends or family members. Even having small moments of self-care and joy to replenish your energy reserves. Whether it's taking a walk, doing one of your favourite hobbies, or simply finding a quiet moment to breathe. You're not alone in this!

Stacyasaurus

My Mom is trying to do everything for my Dad and when I try to help or insist that my Dad is capable of doing things on his own she gets emotionally abusive. She won't let him do even basic things like get his own food where I am more of the mind of let him do what he can and then go from there. My Dad is declining rapidly due to the lack of doing anything except sitting on the couch watching tv and wandering around the house.

Student

Stacyasaurus That sounds incredibly challenging, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. How are you holding up through all of this? I hope you are taking care of yourself and your well being during this time. Hugs to you!

Student

[deleted] Caregiving can be emotionally challenging, especially when it's a long-term journey. How have you been coping with these feelings of anticipatory grief?

HelpWanted

Is there a place where you can talk to a human? Chatting on a chat board feels very awkward. Doesn't seem like a lot of activity here.

CycleBreaker

HelpWanted I agree. I saw “chat” and thought there’d be a more instantaneous interface. Seems like anything to do with health/services surrounding care giving has this large gate preventing true solace or comfort/security to move forward. It’s difficult enough trying to help a loved one that lies, forgets, won’t accept help—the systems set up to “help” rarely do. Does misery truly love company, or does suffering only begat a miserable community?

nowwhat

SherryV I know what you mean. My new boyfriend tells me that I should just hold her hand and be with her. Not my style but the idea is being less concerned with how she is doing things and more focused with connecting

HelpWanted That's one of the reasons I'm trying this. Looking for places or groups for support, so we can talk about things. It's frustrating to click links that go nowhere, call places that don't call back.

Aaronious

Patience, always. After 9 years I’m just now starting to learn how to accept that she’s not the mother I once knew and am having difficulty reframing her in my mind. Seeing her as an adult but also trying to grapple with her abilities lessening over time is a huge hurdle to dealing with her daily.

Student

Aaronious I absolutely agree. It's not easy to see someone you've known for so long change, especially when it's someone as significant as a mother. What are some current moments or memories with your mother that still bring you joy or comfort, even as you grapple with the changes?

allonsy89

I am struggling getting my dad up and down the stairs. He's 74 and is afraid of falling. He used to be able to use the stairs just fine, but recently, he's become more afraid.
I recently purchased a portable chair lift that should be delivered this week. (LINE2design Motorized Mobile Stair Chair Lift Climber I hope that this will work in the interim until I can find a downstairs apartment.
Is there a service that helps someone up and down the stairs? The stairs are outside.

SherryV

Philodot your wife does not hate you, her dementia mind hates you. You obviously care about and love your wife otherwise you wouldn't be here. Give yourself grace. Not eating is perhaps her body's natural way of saying enough. Not easy, my heart truly aches for you.

SherryV

I'm struggling most right now with my inability to hold back my frustration with my mom's constant needs and requests. I often feel regret for responding to her with frustration and bitterness when I should just love. I'm afraid when she's gone I will regret being frustrated with her and her situation and that's what I'll remember.

MoniqueFrahm

SherryV I relate to this a lot. We are very hard on ourselves. I try to remember that it's human nature to get frustrated, and that anyone who is pushed to these limits would feel the same way. A quote that has still helps me process these feelings, and the feelings of guilt that come with it, is "do what you can, with what you have, where you are." And that is exactly what we are doing -- our best.

Lcoleman1407

SherryV I can relate. Some days I just want to come home and go straight to my room/bed and just shut everyone and everything out. Then feel guilty for not going and sitting with my granny for a while. But then I think, at least she's not living alone... but then think again, I should be spending as much time with her as I can. What if she doesn't remember me tomorrow. It's just a mentally exhausted back and forth I'm my head and I feel like it's really starting to take a toll on me. I, too, get frustrated...at everything and just take it out on whoever. Then I feel guilty for exploding but I feel like I'm drowning. I wish you the best❤️

nowwhat

I have been struggling to accept that Mom will not get better, and does not care about getting better. I'm tired of asking if she has taken her meds, but she doesn't take them on her own. No reminders or alarms have made a difference. She doesn't remember what the alarm is for, or forgets or gets distracted in the seconds between reminder and actually taking them. I have been trying to make time for a new relationship in my life but it feels like I am neglecting her even though she is probably fine. If I was there, I could get her to exercise or do something more than watch TV. She is getting weaker and less stable and I want to keep that from happening, but I don't have the energy to do it for her.

Lcoleman1407

I am struggling with keeping it together. I moved my grandmother in with me just over 3 years ago. Her memory was declining and I was worried about her living alone. She has 2 children, my mother and uncle. Neither are in the picture or have any type of relationship with myself or my granny. I have a junior in high school, am married and work full time in Healthcare. My grandmothers health declined last year and we spent most of the summer in and out of hospitals and nursing homes. She has had multiple falls and really struggles with her memory. I feel like I'm in survival mode every day and am overwhelmed most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I love having my granny with me, I just feel like I have zero support. My husband works out of town most of the time. My son is always checking in on her but I don't expect that and don't want him to feel obligated to do so. I just really get frustrated at times because she has TWO children! This should be their responsibility. I'm 38. It shouldn't all be on my shoulders. I work full time and come home to another full time job. (Taking care of my home, food, son and granny) There are days I don't want to get out of bed. There are days I don't want to talk to anyone...and even if I did, I dont have anyone to talk to..I use to talk to my granny... just thought I would vent...but it won't change anything :/

Char

MoniqueFrahm
I'm not sure where to start a new comment. I have two:

I am stuggling with my husband's nighttime incontinence. He wears an adult diaper with two vessie inserts. But his clothes and the bedding are soaked in the morning. He used to get up to pee in a urinal. Now he stays asleep and pees in the diaper. Is there a better product? (We have good rubber/cloth pads so the bottom sheet doesn't get wet, but I have to launder the top sheet and his night clothes every morning.
Another issue is his nighttime belligerence. He can be cranky during the day though we get along well, take walks, have meals, watch t.v. etc. But when it is time to get ready for bed, which means a diaper change and pajamas, he is hostile and uncooperative, wants to sleep in his wet diaper, shoes, trousers, etc. He turns what should take maybe ten minutes into a long soul-sapping ordeal. He threw his diaper at me the other day. I dread the bedtime routine. P.S. He falls asleep quickly and sleeps through the night, unlike me.

Lori

Char My husband isn't to this point yet, but I'm not looking forward to the day he is. Right now he's fairly cooperative, unless infection has caused him to get confused. Then I deal with the incontinence, agitation, and uncooperativeness. It really causes me a lot of anxiety.

Lori

FloridaMadison I feel exactly the same way.

« Previous Page