Hello all. I'm 49 yo, divorced. My mom is 82 and facing an aggressive, rare form of GI cancer--cholangiocarcinoma. She faces multiple chronic health issues (diabetes, heart failure, disability impacting her mobility) which further challenge her day-to-day comfort.
Like many of you, I'm juggling my own health challenges so I can show up for my loved one in a meaningful way.
This is my third time participating in in-home hospice care with a loved one. In 2019, my father in law passed after a brief and excruciating battle with pancreatic cancer. In 2015, my dad passed from a protracted fight with lung cancer. And I've helped other loved ones through their final days--either in long term care facilities or hospitals.
I'm no stranger to death and the process of dying--I also worked for a funeral home as a last responder. Everyone is unique. So, too, is everyone's journey to and through their final days.
Here are a few things that have helped me find stillness when the world has been turned on its head due to illness, death, or loss:
• When your loved one is sleeping, try to rest as well. Remind yourself that this is a marathon and a process. Not a sprint or an event.
• Plan for and seek respite caregivers, if possible, at least once a week. Use this time to connect with life-- meet up with friends, go out for a walk, play with your kids or pets. Memento vivere!
• Eat as well as you can, every day.
• Feel your feelings. Whatever you're feeling, it's important to acknowledge your emotions.
• Routines can help when you're struggling.
• Prioritizing self care like a hot shower or 10 minutes of quiet can go a long way.
What has helped you?
It's been a long few months since mom's initial diagnosis and we're both tired. We try to find time to laugh and "take a break" from her illness, each day.
The holidays were bittersweet. We focused on making and recalling memories.
After waiting patiently for a hospice referral, we will finally have an in-home assessment tomorrow morning. It is another bittersweet, and necessary,
milestone. I'm hopeful that mom's final days will be filled with love and compassion.
Providing care for a loved one can be isolating, harrowing, and exhausting. It can also be a gift. Whatever caregiving means to you, I'm sending you light and love as you navigate it.
Thank you for reading.
