My mom had dementia. We moved her to the same city as us so I could help more. At first she moved in with me, but that was a nightmare. I work full time, sometimes from home. She wouldn't let me be. I could not use the bathroom without her looking for me. She then moved into an assisted living apartment. I felt horribly guilty about not letting her stay at my place. During my lunch time, I would run to place to refill her pillbox or do some other task for her, but it had to be quick. I knew she wanted me to sit with her and visit but I didn't have time then. I felt guilty all the time. I would spend time with her on the weekends or evenings. We hung out most weeks three days/evenings. Sometimes on the weekends she would stay at my place for the weekend. She made it clear she did not want to go back to the apartment but I always made up some excuse why she had to, how she has friends there, how she likes it there and says the people are nice. I still felt guilty. As her dementia got worse and she ended up in a dementia unit for more supervision, I felt even more guilty that she was being moved and I wasn't there for her all the time. In 2021, at Christmas, my only child was pregnant and could not travel since she was close to her due date so we went to her place, leaving my mom "alone" for Christmas. I knew this would most likely be mom's last Christmas. I was torn between being with my daughter and my mother. My brother and his family went to spend Christmas day with mom but I still feel guilty. Everyone tells me how much I was always doing for my mom. I took her to all her appointments and tried to make things easy on her as her memory got worse. I shopped for her, I took her for rides, we set up Alexa to play her favorite music at certain times of the day. We chatted with her over Alexa daily and visited frequently. I still could have done more. I will never get over the guilt of not being with her for her last Christmas. She passed away the following Jan 20, 2022.
