THE END

dvellio

I haven't reached this point yet but I'm getting closer every day. I'm trying to plan for that eventuality, and I've discovered several options. I realize in the end this is a very personal decision that each of us has to make when the person we care for has passed away. I know that the decisions I am making may be entirely different than those that you would choose. However, I have decided to share this process as I work through it in hopes that it may open some possibilities for some of you.
Some, if not most, will choose a traditional viewing and funeral, but we have chosen a different path. Nineteen years ago, when we got married, we created wills and talked in depth about how we would manage the end of life. We generated powers of attorney, both medical and general, and created living wills to describe how we wanted our remains to be handled.
At the time my wife and I both chose to have our bodies donated to the Duke Medical Center here in our area. Now that we are reaching that point for her, I have discovered that's no longer an option because she exceeds their weight limit. This left me with the question of how to proceed. In talking with the people at the Duke bodies program I discovered there were other options for donation.
I have made my choice and feel comfortable knowing that this part of the journey is now taken care of even though the action may not happen for several weeks or months. I'm going to post some of what I have learned in other posts in this topic and hope that others who explore this topic will be willing to share what they have learned as they explore the possibilities.

dvellio

Below are links to two documents that I have found helpful as I come to the end of this journey.
The first document was presented as information that is required for a death certificate. I found that I had to do some research to fill that out. Because of her dementia my wife was not able to help me with the answers to some of the questions. I had to go to her children to find that information.
Death Certificate

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xTvgAtu5hx_FK7AlKuB5ALT3hqtRud-s/view?usp=sharing

The second document is one that was helpful to me as I explored different options in our state for whole money donations. I'm sure there are similar documents for other states.

Places in North Carolina that accept whole body donations.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xNMauNB6lJAwPMLJtXxWE4VPYSNOfjCz/view?usp=share_link

Enter the words below into any search engine and you will find programs in your area.

whole body donation

dvellio

Here is a Youtube link that some find interesting and helpful. I will bring up a number of videos by Dr. Christopher Kerr.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=+Dr.+Christopher+Kerr

dvellio

This is the announcement note I sent out to our church congregation this morning after my wife passed away. As I said when I started this thread, the end does come and her journey has now ended. I plan to keep posting and sharing what I've learned and hope that what I share is a help in your journey.
We all have different understanding of life and expectations of how to celebrate one's passing. I'm just sharing mine with you in hopes that it can help someone else along the way.

"After a three year journey through dementia Donna is finally at peace and gone home. Because I was able to journey with her I have a stronger belief in the next life than ever before. I was able to see through her eyes into that space on several occasions. Her journey ended peacefully in her sleep about 7p.m. on May 22, 2023.

My life has been blessed by her presence in it and I will be forever grateful for the time we have had together.

Her body has been donated to the Fayetteville Mortuary school in North Carolina and the ashes will be returned when her stop there is completed. It has been her wish for 19 years that her body have benefit after she no longer needed it. As I write this she is already on her way to Fayetteville.

Many of you have expressed concerns about me and I appreciate that. Just know that I've known for more than three years that this day was coming and now I am free to resume my normal life, and free of the responsibility of being her caregiver. I already miss her and will continue to, but she has been unable to be a part of the daily decisions of life for a long time.

If you would like to donate something please don't send me flowers. In fact I would appreciate it if any and all donations were directed to the Hospice company that has helped us through the last seven months. Their help has been what has made it possible for me to keep her here at home until the end. This link will take you to their website where donations can be made.
https://www.transitionslifecare.org/donate/

Thank you for all the prayers and calls and cards. I appreciate that more than you can imagine.

Don"

Shagalon

Don thank you for sharing your story, It is not easy to have these conversations or to even think about the end of life. My husband and I have been married 33 years and we have had similar conversations. I will carry out his wishes when the times comes; until then we carry on, we make the best we can out of this life. Again, I want to say thank you.

dvellio

If you are getting close to the end of your caregiver journey you may find the Ted Talk link below helpful.

I See Dead People: Dreams and Visions of the Dying | Dr. Christopher Kerr | TEDxBuffalo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbnBe-vXGQM&t=15s

dvellio

Some may find his helpful.

How does someone die from Dementia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VtRH7NzqF0