Holiday Gatherings

Kari

Is your loved one able to participate in family holiday gatherings? We will celebrate Christmas with the family at my parent’s house. From recent experiences, my mom is most comfortable in her own home. Although she doesn’t remember the names of most of her family, many of the faces will be familiar to her. My mom used to handle all the details of hosting the family for a holiday. Now, she’ll be confused about having everyone over and she won’t really know what to do with herself. Our goal is to keep her happy and involved, as much as possible.

dvellio

When there are more than two or three people in the same room with my wife there are two problems. The first is that she has a great deal of difficulty processing speech. She's very hard of hearing and that combined with the difficulty in processing speech frequently means she soon feels left out of the conversation.
The second problem is when there are more than three people around her pretty soon they are talking to each other and not to her. Conversations not directed directly at her leave her completely out of what is going on. Soon she just withdraws into her own shell and is no longer part of what's happening.
Neither of these situations work well for her. What I have tried to do with special occasions like birthdays is to limit the number of people who can be here at the same time. When I can limit them to one or two it seems to work quite well.

Bob

My experience is similar in that more than two or three people in proximity are typically problematic. And the issue is that my wife typically gets left out of the conversation, or there are multiple conversations going on and she can't follow them. It has gotten so bad that one time, before her aphasia was so bad, she screamed and told everybody to leave the room. Whenever I know someone wants to visit, or we go to a restaurant, or we go to visit someone else, I tried to arrange for no more than than two others to be in close proximity. The one exception was that four of my wife's college housemates came to visit this past summer and she was thrilled and engaged, but they all went out of their way to make sure she was included.

sjcamp

Lord willing, my loved one is able to participate in holiday gatherings...and we are very thankful that he can. I should say, at least we think it can. As a caregiver, I feel like nothing is certain...and I hold all expectations very loosely as plans change quickly.

Twyla

My husband and I are going to our daughter house. He does not talk much but when others are talking and trying to include him he try’s to say something but can’t finish it. The main issue for me is the bathroom he cannot say he has to go the bathroom until he is about to use it on himself then he is jumping or seems restless. He wears pull-ups but still wants to use the toilet which is good. So sometimes when I feel like he should be ready to use the toilet I just take him and get him to sit down until he does something. I think that is how I will handle it Christmas at our daughter’s home.

dshikoski

When we go to family events, my wife avoids talking to adults. I don't think she really is sure what they are. She usually just starts helping with household chores such as cleaning and food preparation. She also plays with the kids. I have tried to get our adult family to get more engaged with her, but have had limited success.

dvellio

Here is a story that might help some.

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/11/25/1214558410/dementia-spouse-caretaker-family-decisions?