I am a 56 year old woman and have been the sole caretaker for my Mom for the past 18 months. I had to move her here to Arizona from Germany in March 2023. It took me three months from December 2022 to March 2023 for the move and the dissolution of her household. Since that time I've been struggling with wrapping up everything in Germany, ad well as with the expense of Medicare penalties. In April they took $1886 in Medicare premiums from her social security, which sent us into a financial tailspin. Then we were notified that in addition to the Medicare B premium of $628 per month they would also assess $74 a month for penalties for her not having enrolled in a prescription plan before. My Mom is on my Dad's survivor benefits and it upsets me that they're punishing her at 92 because she only needed Medicare A before, since she was ensured in Germany. Of course, this move wasn't planned but I couldn't leave her in a home in Germany where I couldn't have visited her in case of emergency when all of her kids are in Arizona.
She was then in the early stages of dementia but couldn't cook, bathe herself, shop or clean house. She had help with shopping and cleaning, as well as meals on wheels, but she just let them pile up in the refrigerator. She looked so bad when I came, I thought I was going to lose her right then and there.
The transition to Arizona was tough but she still had some good days. I now manage the household, her medicine, bathing, clothing, feeding her during most meals, and helping her to and from the bathroom, and advocacy for her needs. I am unable to return to work at this time.
I only have help sporadically from friends but nothing consistent. My two siblings are involved very little and don't help with day to day chores, yet they try to tell me how to do everything. So setting strong boundaries has been essential.
My mom also has separation anxiety and has been falling a lot due to the pain medication she is on and her frailty. We're now also getting into the later stages of dementia where she can't recall the right words and sleeps a lot. I struggle to ensure she keeps drinking enough water and eating so I don't have to give her pain meds on an empty stomach. Besides that, we're now dealing with incontinence and her aversion to wearing depends and a raised toilet chair.
I have her setup with Geriatric Solutions and they come to our apartment for medical care. I'm checking to see how I can work with Hospice of the Valley to get additional help, since I'm so burned out. While the Area Agency for Aging has put me on a waitlist for respite care, I have not received help, yet. I can not afford to pay $35-40 per hour to hire help but I'm very burned out.
Long story short, I look forward to learning with and from members in the group as to how I can deal with the situation more effectively and am so grateful to have learned about Trualta.
I look forward to meeting all of you soon!
