Nettie33
It's difficult, but if you can remember that it isn't him that you’re dealing with, it's the disease, it is easier. As long as you have the mindset that you're dealing with him you're going to be frustrated and angry and perhaps even feel guilty about your reactions. But you're not really dealing with him, you're dealing with a terrible disease that he didn't choose nor did you. You still have the problem but it's easier not to be angry and frustrated with him if you can focus on dealing with the disease.
The other thing to consider is choosing your battles. Some things don't really make a difference in the long run, it just seems like they do. My wife refused to get in the shower sometimes for weeks at a time. I finally realized that it didn't seem to be hurting her in any way. She didn't have any skin issues, we didn't have any odor issues to deal with and I finally just let it go.
One of the big challenges with taking care of someone with dementia is you suddenly have to make all of the decisions. And if they don't want to cooperate it gets to be more difficult. I was usually able to get my wife to do things that I thought were really important by playing what I called the “sympathy card”. If told her I needed for her to do it for me because otherwise it would hurt me she would almost always comply. I realize that not everyone is as lucky as I was in that respect but did work for me and seems to work for a number of other people.
